(17) Towards the Year of Faith: Maan Palma

[As we move toward the launch of the Year of Faith, we asked our Young Fulltimers to share their faith journey. Read their stories in their own words]

The first time I remembered to really fall in love with God was when I was 13 years old when I joined the youth ministry. I became an active member and continued to do so until when I was in college. That’s when I first felt that God is calling me not to only serve him but to follow Him. I hesitated for I don’t know if I can do it, if I am worthy enough to follow his call. So compromised with God, I got a secular job while still serving in the community.

But the call never really went away, I just pushed it at the back of my mind. Until one day, when I had my check up and the doctor told me that I might have a brain tumor. My world stopped. And just like a scene in the  movies, my whole life flashed before my very eyes. I was so stunned. After that, I went to pray and while praying I realized that life is very short. That in an instant, I could just die. And if that happens, and I come face to face with Him, will I be able to tell Him that I was able to do what He wants me to do? I know that I can’t. I got so guilty after that realization. After all the blessings that He has poured down upon me and the peole that I love, I can’t  follow the one thing that he asks me to do.

Then I came across a line from the diary of Sister Faustina that says “Jesus said: Distrust on the part of souls is tearing at my insides. The distrust of a chosen soul causes me even greater pain, despite My inexhaustible love for them for they do not trust in Me. Even my death is not enough for them.” That’s when I came to realize that it is when He died on the cross that He has given me life. He died so I may live. That each and every day of my life is a gift from Him – a very costly gift that He paid with His life. I also came to realize that it is not my circumstance but His circumstance. That He called me not because of my worthiness but my willingness to answer His call. For He will never question my worth, for He has given me back my worth when He died on the cross.

And that was more than enough reason to say yes to Him and will continually say yes to him as long as I live.