“Live a pure life.” This is not one of the Ten Commandments I keep observing everyday of my life, but there’s a voice from within always convicting me to consider this. Since I was young I have been very careful on the way I act, speak, think, deal with friends, choose movies to watch, decide on which group of people to join in, and go to places. I inclined myself to doing something that will leave me guilt-free when it’s over. However as time passed by, I find myself being teased and labeled as killjoy because I don’t jived with how people live life in this generation. Hence, I gave in to the temptation of talking the way other people talk. I lose a little of my self-control over my desire to win more friends and feel IN. I failed to consistently keep my mind clean from impurities. I tried learning many green jokes, enjoyed sharing it to others, and I became attentive to listen to my friends’ stories that stir up sexual thoughts. I sometimes initiate talking about it. I knew it was all wrong but something’s telling me that it was just a part of growing up and getting to know things I need to know as a woman. I feel guilty about being impure in my thoughts and in my words and I’m struggling with how I’m going to keep myself pure. I’m always asking pardon for these things, but I keep doing it again and again especially when the situation calls for it, for instance speaking my friends’ language. I wanted to choose friends but it hurts. I’d rather be teased and labeled KJ, at least I will have a chance to become a channel of their spiritual guidance for I can feel the conviction deep within me to live out a pure and chaste life for Christ and Mama Mary, my model of purity and chastity. I think, it’s just a matter of time and endurance to convince people to live a pure life.
On the other hand, I have never ever forgotten the fact that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I have to keep it as chaste as I can. Eventhough, I am a victim of sexual assault which by the grace of God had become unsuccessful, I am thankful that, I was given a second chance to remain pure. Thus, I have been more careful since then.
I want to remain pure because I feel that, it’s how God wants me to do and it pleases Him. I will be chaste because God allowed me preserve this until this point of time. He has been protecting me from all dangers and granting me the grace to resist temptations. If my vocation is for married life, I want to be worthy for the man God has prepared for me. I want to gain the trust that man will have for me and I think it will help a lot in keeping the bond of love mighty and will allow us to spend the rest of our lives together. Essentially, I want to be pure enough before the eyes of God as I offer myself in the sacrament of matrimony and on that day I want to be wearing an Immaculate white bridal gown together with the whole entourage wearing white too, to manifest the spirit of love and purity. In addition, I want to preserve the trust and respect that my future children will have for their parents. I want to be proud enough to tell them someday how my lovelife had become and how it has to be in their time, for I believe the challenge to live pure will never have to change through all generations.
However, my advocacy of purity has led me to have chronic anxiety when I see my friends engaging in forbidden relationships and I find myself being so judgmental about who they are and what they’re doing. At times, I get to realize that I might just have a strong conviction to remain pure because I’m not currently in a relationship. I may never really know what it takes and how it works when I’m in the situation of having temptations all around me. I think, I’m just being so idealistic. I don’t want to find myself someday eating up all the words I say. It even weakens my gut level reason to remain pure. Thus, I feel like I don’t have the right to persuade people struggling with living pure to remain chaste. As a result, there are times when I decide not to care anymore especially when people just shun my idea of purity and think that they’re just happy with what they’re doing, but it still hurts knowing that a situation might get worse when I pretend not to know what is supposed to be done. Hence, I come to realize that in this situation, getting hurt is part of living out a pure Christian life and standing for living a chaste life, whoever I am, whatever I do, whatever they say and wherever I may be. I will live pure.