I sat down, raised my aching legs, leaned my tired back and rested my heavy head. I struggled to keep my droopy eyes open. I wanted to stay awake until they arrive – until they hear my weekend story.
I was staring at the ceiling fan, hoping that it will keep me awake, when water started filling my eyes. Maybe it was just due to my yawning. Or my eyes were just too tired. Or most likely, it was already my body – begging me to sleep at that very moment. For a minute, I kept still to analyze what was going on. No – it wasn’t my body communicating to me. It was that left-leaning little muscle behind my chest, pumping like it had an infinite source of strength, producing more than what it could contain. It was overflowing! And its only way of letting me know was through that little window I tried to keep alive.
As water continuously ran down my cheeks, I slowly surrendered the fight against the overwhelming stir of blood, water and oxygen inside me. I realized that He wanted me to remain aware that His grace is still in me. And yes, to acknowledge that it was there all the while. It was courage when I immediately said yes to that event without knowing exactly what I have to do. It was the energy on Friday evening during the Banchetto night when we had to entertain people at my usually already-sleeping hours. It was strength, patience and agility on Saturday when workshops had some twists and turns. It was my teammates’ resonating passion despite the few glitches we had to resolve. His grace was the love that allowed me to do this work with so much gusto – that every bit of it was full of meaning; every second was spent with passion; every execution done with precision. It is the grace that’s burning me to continue to perfect my work for the perfect God.
Traces of my body’s weariness were suddenly covered by His strong affirmation that it’s never going to be the same again. That three-day overview of my big life was astounding. He pitched my life to me, asking me to grab His offer! I know I did. It was the very reason why my heart was overtly pumping blood, supplying life to my whole existence. That unexplainable feeling inside me was He – the driver of my life. He is the engine – the infinite source of my heart’s strength. He is the overflowing fuel – the sustenance I need to traverse the distance.
I don’t know where He would lead me – but I will dare to go.